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Durante el rodaje de Cómo ser John Malkovich, el guionista Charlie Kaufman recibe el encargo de adaptar la novela de la periodista del New Yorker, Susan Orlean, titulada El ladrón de orquídeas. La novela trata sobre las reflexiones de la escritora al conocer a un excéntrico personaje llamado John Laroche, juzgado por el robo de una rara especie de orquídea en un Parque Nacional. Pero el guionista sufre un colapso laboral a mitad de la escritura del nuevo guión y se ve obligado a pedir ayuda a su hermano gemelo, Donald Kaufman.

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(Click en las imágenes para verlas ampliadas)","Al final de los créditos puede leerse: \"Todos somos el mismo, inspector. Es la conclusión a la que he llegado. Como las células del cuerpo, sólo que no vemos el cuerpo, así como los peces no ven el mar. Y nos envidiamos, nos hacemos daño, nos odiamos. ¡Que estupidez! Una célula del corazón odiando a una célula del pulmón.\" - Cassier en \"LOS TRES\"","Hay alguna idea original en mi cabeza, en mi cabeza calva. Tal vez, si fuera más feliz, no se me caería el pelo. La vida son dos días. Necesito vivirlos al máximo. Hoy es el primer día del resto de mi vida. Soy un tópico ambulante.
Tengo que ir al médico a que me vea la pierna. Tengo algo, un bulto. He vuelto a llamar al dentista. Lo voy dejando. Si me dejara las cosas de un día para otro, sería más feliz. Me paso el día sin mover este culo de \"foca\". Si no tuviera el culo tan gordo, sería más feliz. No tendría que llevar siempre las camisas por fuera; como si engañara a alguien. FOCA. Debería empezar a correr otra vez. 8 kilómetros al día, pero hacerlo de verdad. O hacer escalada, pero tengo que dar un giro a mi vida. ¿Qué tengo que hacer? Tengo que enamorarme. Tengo que echarme novia. Tengo que leer más, cultivarme... Si aprendiera ruso o yo qué sé... O tocar un instrumento. Podría aprender chino, sería \"el guionista que sabe chino y toca el oboe\". Eso sería brutal. Debería cortarme el pelo al uno. Dejar de hacer creer a todos y a mí mismo que tengo una mata de pelo... ¡Qué ridículo!
Ser auténtico, una persona segura, ¿no es eso lo que atrae a las mujeres? Los hombres no tienen que ser atractivos. Aunque eso no es verdad, sobretodo hoy en día. Hoy se les exige tanto a los hombres como a las mujeres. ¿Por qué debería creer que debo pedir perdón por existir? Quizás sea la química celular. Quizás es eso lo que me pasa, una alteración química. Todos mis problemas y mi ansiedad podrían deberse a un desequilibrio químico o a una serie de psinapsis defectuosas. Tengo que hacérmela mirar. Aunque seguiré siendo feo, eso no tiene cura.
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El Ladrón de Orquideas

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El Ladrón de Orquideas